27 August 2010
Welcome to what will become a Friday tradition here at The Third Half. Considering we have all made fun of the headlines coming from the UK Press, I figure it would be easy enough to save all the jabs I have at some of the titles written by the press until Friday, when I have my way with them. Some will be funny, but some may also fall flat. If you have any headline you would like form e to take a shot at, email me at email@example.com or send me a link to it on Twitter.
I'll start with this headline from Tuesday morning in The Telegraph: "Roberto Mancini sees Sheikh Mansour as Manchester City's good luck charm". Why don't you just admit it Mancini: the Sheikh's money is your good luck charm. I'm sure you'd be more than happy if he never showed up for a game as long as he keeps on opening up the wallet for your transfers.
I love this half truth headline from The Guardian, also on Tuesday: "Liverpool stuck in suspended animation without new investment". Kevin McCarra is right about one thing: Liverpool is stuck. Where he's wrong is that it is not suspended animation that Liverpool's stuck in. What Liverpool are stuck in would be quicksand. At this point, I'd rather RBS just go ahead and take over the club so Hicks and Gilette end up with nothing but losses.
This Sky Sports headline on Thursday may only be funny to me. However it should be funny to everyone else as well: "Martinez unhappy with Blues". Shouldn't he be more unhappy, bordering on seething anger, at his defense instead of at a club who wants a guy who hasn't done much for you in six months?
This headline just makes me laugh: from Sky Sports, "Wenger - Stamp out rugby". Just a friendly reminder to Arsene Wenger; we aren't at the damn ballet. If your players can't deal with a little physicality, then they need to join the local ballet troupe for Swan Lake.
Another Sky Sports gem involves Jon Obi Mikel: "Mikel ready to kick on". Shouldn't the really read "Mikel ready to kick at opponents legs again in hunt of that elusive red card"? Meanwhile, he may have some competition in Chelsea's new signing Ramires. According to the Telegraph, "Brazilian Ramires relishing idea of 'enforcer' role for Chelsea". It does, however, make me ask this one simple question: what's Portuguese for 'Obi wanna red card version 2.0'?
Here's another one about Wigan Athletic, this time from the Daily Mail: "The future ISN'T orange for Wigan as the dump unlucky strip after heavy defeats". Meanwhile, reports have it that the colors White, Black, Blue, and Yellow have issued decrees to Wigan Athletic to not be used as their kit colors until they can finally score a goal.
And finally, I'll end with this headline from The Independent: "Bebe left out due to fitness not ability, says angry Ferguson". I thought he had been left out because Sir Alex finally saw tape of Bebe on the pitch, and was calling Guimaraes to see if it wasn't too late to send him back.